Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
