I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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