It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
