My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
