How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
