that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
