Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
