Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
