I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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