It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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