we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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