I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
