how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
