I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
