remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
