just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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