im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
