my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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