listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i came on her dog
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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