Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
