Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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