i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
