You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
