I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
