I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
