Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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