yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
