Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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