He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
