I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
