Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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