My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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