My first STD was from a foam party
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
