I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
