He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
