Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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