Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize