If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
