before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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