You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Im part way to drunk.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
