You really coming over, don't trick.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
