u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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