we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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