the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
