my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Houston, we have a squirter
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
