Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
