I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
