Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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