I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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