At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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