Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
