well I can't set my house on fire every night
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
