Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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