1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
