I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
