Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
