so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
