I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
