his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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