My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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