she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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