In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
