Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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