You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
