onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
