When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize