I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
