I wish I could punch you in the face.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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