Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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