capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She bit a glass in half.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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