This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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