she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
